SilviaCamastral.com

  Process Oriented Psychotherapist  - Counsellor - M.Couns. Dip.Ed

Relationship and Couple Work

© Silvia Camastral

Relationship therapy focuses on a client's relationships with their partner, family, friends, peers or work colleagues. A process oriented approach to couple and relationships work is to look at the dynamic between two people. Often we find that incomplete communication creates tensions misunderstanding, conflict of disconnection. Rather than assuming what some  incomplete communication signals might mean, we aim at hearing and understanding each other's experience to gain a deeper understanding of each other. 

Through noticing our own incomplete communication we can bring forth better where we are really at in a conversation.

Some of the issues that bring you to couple counselling could be:

·         Life style changes

·         Grief and Loss

·         Emotional disconnection  

·         Different belief systems

·         Not feeling understood by your partner

·         Too much conflict

·         Not enough communication  

·         Not knowing how to process differences of opinions

·         Family of origin patterns

·         Issues that are impacting on the relationship (work, use of  substances, friends, extended family )etc

·         Stress due to Life cycle transitions: marriage, buying a new house, new baby, going back to work etc  

Relationship maintenance

A good sense of connection in a relationship tends to need “maintenance”. When underlying relationship issues are: 

 • identified

 • communicated

 • processed

a deeper sense of connection and meaning canenrich the relationship.

What can help strengthening  your relationship:  

• Listening while in an argument  

• Respecting  the other person  

• Doing  things together  

• Showing  commitment to the relationship  

• Sharing a similar life philosophy is helpful 

• Sharing a similar sense of humour  

Separation:  

When a relationship has come to a point where two people are happier apart, it will be useful to process the fears and belief systems that possibly hold us back from separating.

Some of these fears and beliefs could be:

·         Family of origin beliefs,

·         Fear of being alone

·         Fear of being stigmatised,

·         Internal criticism  (feeling like a failure)  

Grief and loss are often experienced  during a relationship separation. We miss the aspects of the other person that we loved, the shared positive experiences and the most valued aspects the relationship time spent together. Often one partner grieves more at the time of separation because possibly the other person has gone through pain and grief during the relationship before the end. Issues to be addressed and sorted out:

In separation counselling, issues of children’s contact, finances and future lines of communication (especially if children are involved)  will need to be addressed and sorted out. Separation counselling can assist in making this painful process of separation as  reasonable and amicable as possible.  

Children: Some points about children involved in  separation

• What helps children is to have some kind of stability during this time. Parents being amicable towards each other, is one of the key factors.
• Most children will be affected in some way by parental separation, since their world as they know it, will drastically change.
• much separation research states that children are resilient and can adapt to a new life style, as long as they know how much they are loved by both parents.
• Some children need to hear that it isn' their fault that mum and dad have split up.

Some of the most important things for separating or separated parents to make sure:

• Be mindful to not use your kids as ammunition in your fights
• Spend time with them and give them lots of reassurance
• Let them know how much you love them and how proud you are of them
• Be mindful to not burden your kids by using them as communication line to the other parent.
• Be mindful you don't say negative things about your ex partner in front of the child (every child has half the genes from each parent: each time you critizise your ex in front of the child, you critizise half your child).
• Some kids worlds change to the more positive, they are relieved that mum and dad separate.  
• Many kids will have some emotional and behavioural issues during this time of stress and change. (Child counselling can be helpful. (See page on play and sand tray therapy)

Many children will learn to adapt to the new situations.  A eight year old boy said to me recently, when asked how it was for him to live at mums house and at dad’s place: “it’s cool - I have two families and two houses and two Christmases.”

• Process Oriented
  Psychology / Psychotherapy
• Dream work
• Relationship and
  Couple Work
• Families
• Children: Play therapy / Sand tray therapy
• Clinical supervision
• Training in Process Oriented Psychology